Melodrama Galore

Red calls me a drama queen and today I feel like living upto the reputation that has been thrust upon me.Ever notice how certain days are tailor-made for feeling blue or wallowing? You feel as if being misunderstood is the order of the day?How you blindly grope for some semblance of clarity in the rounded corners of your brain but come up with cobwebs at best and a lot of stuff swept under the carpet at worst?And when you think about it clearly enough (with assistance from your dear friend Mr.Caffeine), you realize that things are really not bad at all but you are viewing it as a 7-car pileup only because your noggin refuses to throw up doable solutions! And you look around for someone to kiss all the booboos away and make it all better and find that they're either sweating it out at the passport office, stuck in a traffic jam, supervising meals, firefighting or usually dealing with enough and more booboos of their own :(Then...you buckle down (attempt to at least), bitch your heart out in private blogs, write half-way coherent public blogs and embrace Mr.Caffeine to your bosom and drag your sad butt back to work! And believe it or not...it usually works!And if it doesnt? Then you force people to pay you compliments so they can "brighten" your day and give you a reason to not go back to bed and hibernate till better times prevail.Am very studiously working on the latter option and I see 2 potential victims approaching...must go and get my quota of "aww! what a nice outfit!" kick started.TA!

sticky fingers and unstuck head

A few days back a worthless lump of excreta (WLOC)filched Red's wallet from my bag. Why was Red's wallet in my bag? Coz Red's lazy and somehow forgets that his pants have pockets.

Anyhoo, the said fecal matter (FC) ran up a sizeable bill on Red's credit card and rocket scientist that he is...also paid his mobile bill. The men in khaki were their usual helpful best and while I ranted and raved and sobbed, Red remained stoic and agreed to learn from this mistake viz our carelessness and complacency in leaving moolah unguarded.

Red agreed. Me did not. Me plotted. Me heaped curses on head of imagined piece of turd (POT) and hoped peptic ulcers and piles would spring up overnight. Red stayed calm and had me spend my money for my birthday gifts, although on his behalf.

Now me has a bunch of dolls whom I love! One of these beloved dolls has another doll she loves. This doll was able to track down the miserable heap of dung (MHOD) through the mobile bill paid. And then it all began...the slime from the commonest variety of garden slug (SFTCVOGS) was tracked down, frog marched to a room and questioned and he confessed.

When I saw him, I recognized him and wanted to deflate his fat cheeks! He fed me a whole lot of bull and wanted to establish his sparkling reputation as a one-time filcher-but-other-wise-all-around-saint!
Needless to say that attempt sunk in utter doom.

We recovered the money and got his saggy, fat behind kicked out of the org on integrity issues.
I also made him apologize to Red and then stuck my tongue out at him and blew him a loud raspberry while he was leaving.

One must cope in whatever manner possible to restore one's equilibrium. Mine happens through raspberries.
AMEN!

rainy day recollections

X met Y for a walk in the park. They looked askance at each other. Wisps of smiles breached their lips. Should-I's going through their minds. A tentative hand would be reached out only to be snatched away at the last moment. X cursed the so-called male perogative and imposed coyness eve's suffer from and Y gritted his teeth and looked for some sign that a tightly packed punch wouldnt be forthcoming he if decided to be such. The silently muttered whimsies, frustrations and longings were heard and the skies answered.
It rained whales and elephants and they were forced to hide under a tree which bowed to the orders of the wind and dumped water on them (along with some birds' nests) and drenched them even more thoroughly.
Cold, wet and by now freezing they huddled close together out in the open, the rain no longer a bother, only a welcome spray that swept away inhibitions and brought out the till-now hidden spark of desire, longing and tenderness with an all-encompassing awareness of each other and the words which were left unspoken.
X wanted the walk to go on and hoped the rains wouldnt abate. Y wanted the rains to abate because now he had a precedence established and would no longer need the rains to set the mood or the stage.
the downpour dimmed but X&Y walked out hand in hand and felt for the first time the truth in the saying, "into every life some rain must fall."

dented

Monday, June 19, 2006

X had always wondered what caused dimples. why did some of us have them and why others didnt.
they looked good and cute on babies,on chubby-cheeked round-faced people (preferrably the female kind) and it looked GOOD on Y (who has a lil one just below his lips on the RHS of his face).
from practically time immemorial people had emphasized the importance of having a dimple and it's ability to add value to a face.
When X visited a photo studio,she was shown photos of girls who were plainly trying to dig a hole in their cheeks by pushing a finger deep into their faces and thereby creating that all-important dent! X pshawed the whole exercise as futile,thought a bit more about Y's dimple, which he'd pshawed when pointed out and left thinking a dimple wasnt all that important a thing to have afterall.
Soon afterwards in a bout of racous and belly-shaking laughter with a dear friend X suddenly found her face being scrutinised. It seems when she was feeling mirthful to the nth extreme a tiny lil dent appeared on her face and wouldnt you know it, it looked good too!
She tried all the faces she knew of but the blasted thing refused to appear! stubbornly hiding behind all the fat X reasoned morosely...apparently there are some things like once-in-a-blue-moon kind of a dimple too :o)
she smiled in resignation to herself and heard someone say,"hey look at that! never knew you had a dimple!!!" blue moons would appear to be a frequent phenomenon X thought and smiled smugly,dimpling in the process.

usemedotcom

a good,if slightly needy,friend of mine was in for a rude shock y'day.
when he called a very good friend of his, he was told by another person, (whom we shall call A for the sake of convenience) that his friend (let's call her B) had taken a nasty spill, broken a little bit of everything that was necessary to keep her 5 sense alert and was in the ICU.
our man panicked! naturally, he's a NICE guy and started to call her desperately but her fone was eitehr too busy or no one picked it up. and when someone did pick up he got conflicting messages saying that person A did not exist! go figure huh?
he called up the hospital and asked for person B but did not get past the telephone operator. so our nice man went to a nice BIG mall, spent a LOT of moolah and got gifts for person B thinking he'll fly down to where she is and surprise with get well gifts. IF AT ANY POINT OF TIME IT STARTS TO SEEM THIS GUY SHOULD GIVE UP SOMEONE RAISE THEIR HANDS!!!

anyhow,he finally had an inkling of being duped and called me to i could commiserate. wanna know how enlightenment dawned on him? he smsd person B saying that he wasnt going to be coming since he had got no response from her, but if she could let him know the address where she could be contacted he would like to send her gifts there. LO and BEHOLD!!! pat comes back an sms stating the location where the gifts could be couriered.
READER KINDLY NOTE:- this was the same person who was unavailable for comment earlier but was now suddenly better. the lord works in mysterious ways indeed.

so our man demoralised and despondent calls me just so i can confirm it for him that NO, he should NOT go to where this girl is and knock on the doors of all the hospitals like a loon. he then says, i should've given you the gifts instead of her...fraudent hussy and all that jazz...

i sighed for... the lord giveth and the lord taketh away.

the meltdown-no ice age 2 this one!

the heat is AWFULeveryone is CRANKY.the ac is a LIFESAVER.powercuts are the DEVIL'S WORK!having no generators is PURGATORY!lights back again is SALVATION!electricians are either ANGELS or THE SPAWN OF HELL ( depending upon how soon they fix the broken ac)summer is FOR THE BIRDS (who i hope get cooked on the hibachi!)this concludes our feature presentation. please tune in tomorrow, same time, same place for more summer sanitorium.good night.

love, longing and sweltering

Sunday, May 14, 2006

you know your days as a single woman are numbered when your father asks you one day, "what have you thought about your life?" you do the whole foot shuffling thing and mutter that work is keeping you busy and you might be considering a further academic tag in a while too. he then asks if you feel that might interfere with your settling down. you HAVE to say you dont see how but...he then gently but firmly interrupts and asks if you're seeing anyone. you then say not anymore/not now/no...not really ( take your pick). and then he asks he and your mother can step in look into the prospect of your marriage ( as if it suddenly occured to him over the morning cuppa)? and you say somewhat inaudibly maybe if you could think about it for a while. he then says that they're just going to look and it could take time so there's no rush.
you feel reassured ( falsely as it may actually turn out) and go about your business thinking that phew! this one was a bit better than the birds'n'bees talk wasnt it?
next day when you come back from work your parents swoop down on you and tell you do something to your face and not look like you just exited puberty because photos have to be taken and there's a "potential" somewhere in the concrete jungles of bad ol' USA. when you stammer and sputter that "but, but you said..." they cut you down and say this could be a good boy and we shouldnt pass up the chance and let's see. meeting him doesnt mean having to marry him and keep and open mind yada yada yada.
you stop up the stairs all the while grumbling to yourself, why in the summer? i wont get married before november, before realising that you've already got cast into the mode they wanted and now you've taken the bait!!!!

trust people to be sympathetic

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

or can you?
the news of suryanarayana's assassination did send shockwaves across the nation. i mean , c'mon we're not israel or palestine where our citizens are being tortured to death daily. we're a nation of people who only get killed every now and then. let it never be said that murder or being murdered is a thing we indulge in regularly! perish the thought!
and perish he did. cut down in the prime of his life with a biwi and 3 kids left to fend for themselves. but hang on..what's this about VS being a bigamist and harboring a wife and another tot unknown to this first family?!! sacre bleu!!! shame of it all.
i went to work today and i heard two of the cleaning women discussing the fates of our world while they swept away each errant leaf and individual foolish enough to come in their path. the convo went something like this-
#1- " to think, we felt sorry for him y'day!"
#2- " i know! how can he do this to his wife and children?"
#1-" men!!!" ( incidentally women will be able to relate to this utterance since it was made while fangs were bared and the talons were being sharpened on the nearest boulder)
#2-" i wish he could have been beheaded once more just for the shame he brought on his family!!"
#1- "you said it sister! let's go and take it out on the loos of this joint! and just to bring back some kind of justice to womenkind, we'll put acid on the toilet seats in the gents' toilets! "
#1- " oh you always think of the most devious things- the feminist movement is alive today because of devoted mathraanis like you!!"

note- the last 2 comments were not actually made by these 2 ladies but i can imagine that they might have indulged in this kind of vitriol had i bothered to listen any further.

note again- if mathraanis is politically incorrect, i most humbly apologize and hope the m********s reading my post wont hold it against me and remember to clean the ladies loo in the 5th floor?