From the OTHER side?

Early this morning my phone buzzed. Although I wouldn't have registered the buzzing since I sleep like the dead (remember the word dead here, it's key). IF some little boy hadn't kicked me at the exact same time I wouldn't have had a shock at 3 in the morning.

Of course it's a shock that would've hit irrespective of the time so I guess 3 am is as good as 3 pm. Except that at 3 am the believability of the thing that happened was more in my mind..yes yes, I'll stop beating about the bush..

A friend of mine died a while back. Very tragic and all that. Now, some jackass hacked into his account and started sending me IMs.
Now imagine me, groggy and not all that alert to begin with, and suddenly up pops the name of this dearly departed individual asking me if I'm busy or not!! Yikes!

I turned to Red and asked him in hushed voices. Now Red is a born pragmatist. Rather he knows what flies and what doesn't. So in his sleep-filled voice he told me the account must have been hacked and I ought to go back to sleep.

Well DUH! But imagine the jolt!
And now the brainiac hacker's been sending me pings all day long asking me to "get it on", "view his webcam" and even "give him some company since he's lonely" .
I can only imagine what  my reaction would've been had that last message been sent to me early this morning.

All those years of  watching paranormals would've borne fruit and I'd have gone WHOA baby! Get me a Ouija board or something..but seriously? The one thing jerk-off's managed to do is make me think of my friend in a fond way. A first since he passed away.

So for now the hacker's forgiven. But if he asks me to go cyber with him I'll...do something..

Lemme go think of bad things to do to people virtually..Freakshow!

T.I.M.E

Time is indeed fleet-footed, to use an archaism.

A little scrawny bundle grows from being immobile and with loose skin to a roundish little being who fairly rolls around like a ball.

A would be apartment grows from bamboo sticks jutting out to a room where memories are made and unmade.

A house grows into a home and back into a house again.

What was spacy yesterday is now cramped and what seemed like a few toys now are a mini store in one's home.

What seemed eons ago is now the present and the past is going further away. Though hovering close by if need be for recollection.

Those who seemed distant and surly have been revealed as shy and unable to break self-imposed barriers and many who were friendly have been found to have layer after layer of veneers and facades.

Time has revealed vulnerabilities, arrogance. Has pronounced people as falliable and also reliable beyond belief.
Time has shown the way, has misled as well.
It has taught and enlightenend and also cast into some darkness.

But there's never been a dull moment.
Time wins I guess..

"Time is gone
The song is over
Thought I'd have something more to say..."

Pune...

So we made it, not entirely helter-skelter and definitely not anguished and aggressive like holiday travellers, but fairly smoothly to Pune.
No it's not exotic but it's an oasis pour moi. 

The place is fairly lush green (when compared to the ever-dwindling) greenery around my home) and is quite cozy I must admit. Hell, after the 2x2 flying box that we spent an hour in with a struggling munchkins, anyplace that he can have space to turn around in is palatial.
Be as that may, it's definitely nice to be up in the morning, yup it's me talking, and see pigeons cooing. My sis' neighbors have placed a plate with water outside their terrace for the chirpy cheep cheeps to come have their fill in and a fair number have been descending there since morn.
There are shrubs, bushes, trees and just GREEN stuff all around as far as I can see and this seems like a very nice place for a child to grow up.

Our place, though spacious, lacks a park and with constuction growing full-tilt the birds, creepy crawlies and even street dogs have taken off for quieter or better pastures. Imagine the effect on a little boy who loves dogs SO much that he'll even look out the window of a plane while it's pitch black outside just because his Mommy said there's a kukka (Telugu for dog).
Space- that's another thing looming it's nearly ugly head. My place isn't out of Good Homes and Gardening definitely but boy! tis got enough room for a barrel of monkeys to be rolling this way and that!
And since I've given birth to a monkey who aspires for his own barrel, you can imagine his small-child claustrophobia when cramped into a plane or any other place which is not like his house.
Oh he'll grow out of it eventually. Once in playschool when he's bumping shoulders with cute lil girls he won't mind the 'cramped quarters' and as he grows am sure he'll like as much closeness to the opposite sex as possible. 
Speaking of which, the little man's a letch. BIIIG time. He LOIKES stewardesses. He keeps calling them, ogling them in their little skirts and will leap into their arms and play with their...ahem...will pins and scarves and what not.
So in flight entertainment aside, he's not averse to anything else. The ear-popping hasn't bugged him till date of which am profoundly thankful. He always finds a person in the front row to practise his percussion skills on and there is always another kid, juice packet, some colorful person on board so he's FIINE.
Now if only the plane could accomodate his scooter, his blocks, his high chair, his couches then- he'd have nirmal anand. Oh! I'd have to find a dog too of course but by the time I find such a plane am sure the dogs will be frequent flyers along with us so...

Here's to idylls in Pune and hopefully a non-traumatised little man during Diwali.
Mudda! 

My Bong Adventures

Am asking the mommy-person to blog on my behalf since whenever I get close to a mobile it ends up in my mouth or I like to see how many times I have to throw it before that little thing comes out from the back. My mommy told me it's the battery and I must never think it's a biscuit.Anyhow, I've been brought to my mom's dad's place for the Puja. I think it's my first since I have to accept whatever am told. I do think I did something similar last year but I can't be sure you see. Being on a rocker addles your brains somewhat...all that rocking..Oye ve!

Like I was saying, my mommy's people are very loud, their drums are louder and they all have the same name- Ei. I think it's kinda funny and dumb but my mommy told me I have to be respectful towards all cultures even if they are all about rice, fish, politics and Sourav Ganguly.

Yes, where was I? Hmm..they are all into eating quite a bit and have nice tummies which I can lean back against. Even the aunties. And the other boys here (hardly any girls) are ok. They keep dancing and playing with their mobiles. I see my mommy do that a lot so I knew what they were upto :)Baba keeps me away from most of the noise but he can't keep me away from the mostitoes. They always know where I am and like to come and make me think it's vaccine day :(I miss my bed. My toys. There isn't much to throw here and my mommy's not all that chilled out here since it's hot and sweaty.

She gets bothered and keeps mumbling about a chilled glass of beevo. I don't know what that is but for God's sake give it to her because she's off in the deep end already and counting days till we reach home again.

But I liked this place. It's no Gymboree and there aren't any animals around but it's a zoo anyways (that's what my mommy said) so I guess there MUST be animals around somewhere.

Ok. I had my apple mush and bathed. I have to take my nap now so I can be rested up for the performance in front of guests-I have to show them where the fan is, how it goes round and round and how I can clap.Everyday it's the same thing. These people don't know basic stuff!

So D-UH!

Disclaimer: This writing contains idiomatic expressions. If any notions arise about any animals being in the family then let me clarify it at at the onset that no such creatures exist. Apart from being descended from apes, any other animals in the family are fictitious and their tails, horns and hooves (if they exist) are entirely invisible!

Dida

My mother informed me that today's her mom's death anniversary. Or death-day (as popularized by Nearly Headless Nick :p) and I brought in some amount of irreverence right at the onset because I'm not sad at all. I don't remember when and exactly how she died although I was in my 20s then, but I remember exactly how she lived and how she made having a grandparent such a delight!

She was a funky woman but very traditional. Home and hearth and husband above all else.

She was short (more than me which makes me love her more) and fat and very very squishy!
She had horrible eyesight and was reduced to making her way about the house almost through her knowledge of having lived there for over four decades.
She and her soda bottle glasses. Because of her tunnel vision she couldn't see me make faces at her while she was talking to other people.

She used to tie her hair with thin black ribbons and make a plait every night before going to bed. And whenever she'd laugh, which was often, her nose would go all flat and eyes would go into slits and she'd look quite the archetypal Oriental person from the comics.
She let me put a face pack on her once and got freaked out when I started to pull the dried stuff off her face...her 1st facial at 70+
She'd use a lotion we'd got for her when we'd gone abroad so sparingly that the damn thing reached it's expiry date. When I asked her why she didn't use it properly she said it was a gift from me and it was for special occasions...Go figure!

She used to be up at ungodly hours only because dawn arrives in Calcutta at an ungodly hour. And she'd nag me out of bed every day of the summer holidays that I'd spend there; making me drink the chocolate milk and eat at least one sandesh that my grandfather had got for us.

She's partly the reason I can write in Bangla (however erroneously) and why I like Inland letters so much. She used to insist on letters written in my mother tongue and each time we changed cities she'd inquire about all my friends and I think tried to be subtle about the number of Bongs that there never seemed to be enough of.

She of the beautiful old furniture- the four-poster bed that my cousin and I'd hide under, and the lovely mahogany (I think or maybe even rosewood) cupboard that seemed to house all the treasures that were hers.

She'd keep a diary of important dates and events and there was an old floor-model sewing machine that I managed to mess up, that a lot of my infant clothes had been made on.

Why am I not even wistful? Well because my son, in his gazillion gestures and nose-wrinkling smile, seems to be a pretty good copy of her. Sometimes I can almost see the imprint of her face on his.
Genetics being what they are, am still surprised how this kid could end up resembling a lady from two generations ago.

I wish she'd been able to see him. She'd have gone gaga over him because she used to dote on me and yet wonder how to get me to not be such a yakkety!

She really was a doll and a perfect embodiment of everything grandmoms are supposed to be because now her daughter and my mother has become the best grandmother a child could have. And i just need to see my son's smiles and joy to know that. Over and over again.

poTAYto poTAto

It all comes down to a matter of perspective you see...the pun is heavily intended here because it truly comes to a question of how we "see" things. Whether it's seeing-see or hearing-see or feeling-see. Doesn't make sense? Doesn't have to. My blog and my neologisms!

So let's start off!

I see hovering. You see protectiveness.
I see micromanaging. You see nurturing and care.
I see passivity. You see bidding the time.
I see fence sitting. You see decisiveness. Of a sort.

Now the I says-

I say grow up! You say reactiveness is your right.
I say emote and express. You say cool and calm's the way to be.
I say listen to me for God's sake! You say am listening and continue to work away by yourself.
I say it's important to me. You say over-involvement is not the way to do it.

The I feels-

I feel suffocated. You feel I condemn to hastily.
I feel regretful. You feel slighted.
I feel detachment. You feel cold shouldered.
I feel like a change. You feel abandoned.

Amounts to the same doesn't it? Same page but us reading different lines...

There's a metaphor in there somewhere but for the life of me it's elusive :o)

randomnesss

childhood ambitions...

scenes from the past

the cloud photographer

Melodrama Galore

Red calls me a drama queen and today I feel like living upto the reputation that has been thrust upon me.Ever notice how certain days are tailor-made for feeling blue or wallowing? You feel as if being misunderstood is the order of the day?How you blindly grope for some semblance of clarity in the rounded corners of your brain but come up with cobwebs at best and a lot of stuff swept under the carpet at worst?And when you think about it clearly enough (with assistance from your dear friend Mr.Caffeine), you realize that things are really not bad at all but you are viewing it as a 7-car pileup only because your noggin refuses to throw up doable solutions! And you look around for someone to kiss all the booboos away and make it all better and find that they're either sweating it out at the passport office, stuck in a traffic jam, supervising meals, firefighting or usually dealing with enough and more booboos of their own :(Then...you buckle down (attempt to at least), bitch your heart out in private blogs, write half-way coherent public blogs and embrace Mr.Caffeine to your bosom and drag your sad butt back to work! And believe it or not...it usually works!And if it doesnt? Then you force people to pay you compliments so they can "brighten" your day and give you a reason to not go back to bed and hibernate till better times prevail.Am very studiously working on the latter option and I see 2 potential victims approaching...must go and get my quota of "aww! what a nice outfit!" kick started.TA!

sticky fingers and unstuck head

A few days back a worthless lump of excreta (WLOC)filched Red's wallet from my bag. Why was Red's wallet in my bag? Coz Red's lazy and somehow forgets that his pants have pockets.

Anyhoo, the said fecal matter (FC) ran up a sizeable bill on Red's credit card and rocket scientist that he is...also paid his mobile bill. The men in khaki were their usual helpful best and while I ranted and raved and sobbed, Red remained stoic and agreed to learn from this mistake viz our carelessness and complacency in leaving moolah unguarded.

Red agreed. Me did not. Me plotted. Me heaped curses on head of imagined piece of turd (POT) and hoped peptic ulcers and piles would spring up overnight. Red stayed calm and had me spend my money for my birthday gifts, although on his behalf.

Now me has a bunch of dolls whom I love! One of these beloved dolls has another doll she loves. This doll was able to track down the miserable heap of dung (MHOD) through the mobile bill paid. And then it all began...the slime from the commonest variety of garden slug (SFTCVOGS) was tracked down, frog marched to a room and questioned and he confessed.

When I saw him, I recognized him and wanted to deflate his fat cheeks! He fed me a whole lot of bull and wanted to establish his sparkling reputation as a one-time filcher-but-other-wise-all-around-saint!
Needless to say that attempt sunk in utter doom.

We recovered the money and got his saggy, fat behind kicked out of the org on integrity issues.
I also made him apologize to Red and then stuck my tongue out at him and blew him a loud raspberry while he was leaving.

One must cope in whatever manner possible to restore one's equilibrium. Mine happens through raspberries.
AMEN!

rainy day recollections

X met Y for a walk in the park. They looked askance at each other. Wisps of smiles breached their lips. Should-I's going through their minds. A tentative hand would be reached out only to be snatched away at the last moment. X cursed the so-called male perogative and imposed coyness eve's suffer from and Y gritted his teeth and looked for some sign that a tightly packed punch wouldnt be forthcoming he if decided to be such. The silently muttered whimsies, frustrations and longings were heard and the skies answered.
It rained whales and elephants and they were forced to hide under a tree which bowed to the orders of the wind and dumped water on them (along with some birds' nests) and drenched them even more thoroughly.
Cold, wet and by now freezing they huddled close together out in the open, the rain no longer a bother, only a welcome spray that swept away inhibitions and brought out the till-now hidden spark of desire, longing and tenderness with an all-encompassing awareness of each other and the words which were left unspoken.
X wanted the walk to go on and hoped the rains wouldnt abate. Y wanted the rains to abate because now he had a precedence established and would no longer need the rains to set the mood or the stage.
the downpour dimmed but X&Y walked out hand in hand and felt for the first time the truth in the saying, "into every life some rain must fall."

dented

Monday, June 19, 2006

X had always wondered what caused dimples. why did some of us have them and why others didnt.
they looked good and cute on babies,on chubby-cheeked round-faced people (preferrably the female kind) and it looked GOOD on Y (who has a lil one just below his lips on the RHS of his face).
from practically time immemorial people had emphasized the importance of having a dimple and it's ability to add value to a face.
When X visited a photo studio,she was shown photos of girls who were plainly trying to dig a hole in their cheeks by pushing a finger deep into their faces and thereby creating that all-important dent! X pshawed the whole exercise as futile,thought a bit more about Y's dimple, which he'd pshawed when pointed out and left thinking a dimple wasnt all that important a thing to have afterall.
Soon afterwards in a bout of racous and belly-shaking laughter with a dear friend X suddenly found her face being scrutinised. It seems when she was feeling mirthful to the nth extreme a tiny lil dent appeared on her face and wouldnt you know it, it looked good too!
She tried all the faces she knew of but the blasted thing refused to appear! stubbornly hiding behind all the fat X reasoned morosely...apparently there are some things like once-in-a-blue-moon kind of a dimple too :o)
she smiled in resignation to herself and heard someone say,"hey look at that! never knew you had a dimple!!!" blue moons would appear to be a frequent phenomenon X thought and smiled smugly,dimpling in the process.

usemedotcom

a good,if slightly needy,friend of mine was in for a rude shock y'day.
when he called a very good friend of his, he was told by another person, (whom we shall call A for the sake of convenience) that his friend (let's call her B) had taken a nasty spill, broken a little bit of everything that was necessary to keep her 5 sense alert and was in the ICU.
our man panicked! naturally, he's a NICE guy and started to call her desperately but her fone was eitehr too busy or no one picked it up. and when someone did pick up he got conflicting messages saying that person A did not exist! go figure huh?
he called up the hospital and asked for person B but did not get past the telephone operator. so our nice man went to a nice BIG mall, spent a LOT of moolah and got gifts for person B thinking he'll fly down to where she is and surprise with get well gifts. IF AT ANY POINT OF TIME IT STARTS TO SEEM THIS GUY SHOULD GIVE UP SOMEONE RAISE THEIR HANDS!!!

anyhow,he finally had an inkling of being duped and called me to i could commiserate. wanna know how enlightenment dawned on him? he smsd person B saying that he wasnt going to be coming since he had got no response from her, but if she could let him know the address where she could be contacted he would like to send her gifts there. LO and BEHOLD!!! pat comes back an sms stating the location where the gifts could be couriered.
READER KINDLY NOTE:- this was the same person who was unavailable for comment earlier but was now suddenly better. the lord works in mysterious ways indeed.

so our man demoralised and despondent calls me just so i can confirm it for him that NO, he should NOT go to where this girl is and knock on the doors of all the hospitals like a loon. he then says, i should've given you the gifts instead of her...fraudent hussy and all that jazz...

i sighed for... the lord giveth and the lord taketh away.

the meltdown-no ice age 2 this one!

the heat is AWFULeveryone is CRANKY.the ac is a LIFESAVER.powercuts are the DEVIL'S WORK!having no generators is PURGATORY!lights back again is SALVATION!electricians are either ANGELS or THE SPAWN OF HELL ( depending upon how soon they fix the broken ac)summer is FOR THE BIRDS (who i hope get cooked on the hibachi!)this concludes our feature presentation. please tune in tomorrow, same time, same place for more summer sanitorium.good night.

love, longing and sweltering

Sunday, May 14, 2006

you know your days as a single woman are numbered when your father asks you one day, "what have you thought about your life?" you do the whole foot shuffling thing and mutter that work is keeping you busy and you might be considering a further academic tag in a while too. he then asks if you feel that might interfere with your settling down. you HAVE to say you dont see how but...he then gently but firmly interrupts and asks if you're seeing anyone. you then say not anymore/not now/no...not really ( take your pick). and then he asks he and your mother can step in look into the prospect of your marriage ( as if it suddenly occured to him over the morning cuppa)? and you say somewhat inaudibly maybe if you could think about it for a while. he then says that they're just going to look and it could take time so there's no rush.
you feel reassured ( falsely as it may actually turn out) and go about your business thinking that phew! this one was a bit better than the birds'n'bees talk wasnt it?
next day when you come back from work your parents swoop down on you and tell you do something to your face and not look like you just exited puberty because photos have to be taken and there's a "potential" somewhere in the concrete jungles of bad ol' USA. when you stammer and sputter that "but, but you said..." they cut you down and say this could be a good boy and we shouldnt pass up the chance and let's see. meeting him doesnt mean having to marry him and keep and open mind yada yada yada.
you stop up the stairs all the while grumbling to yourself, why in the summer? i wont get married before november, before realising that you've already got cast into the mode they wanted and now you've taken the bait!!!!

trust people to be sympathetic

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

or can you?
the news of suryanarayana's assassination did send shockwaves across the nation. i mean , c'mon we're not israel or palestine where our citizens are being tortured to death daily. we're a nation of people who only get killed every now and then. let it never be said that murder or being murdered is a thing we indulge in regularly! perish the thought!
and perish he did. cut down in the prime of his life with a biwi and 3 kids left to fend for themselves. but hang on..what's this about VS being a bigamist and harboring a wife and another tot unknown to this first family?!! sacre bleu!!! shame of it all.
i went to work today and i heard two of the cleaning women discussing the fates of our world while they swept away each errant leaf and individual foolish enough to come in their path. the convo went something like this-
#1- " to think, we felt sorry for him y'day!"
#2- " i know! how can he do this to his wife and children?"
#1-" men!!!" ( incidentally women will be able to relate to this utterance since it was made while fangs were bared and the talons were being sharpened on the nearest boulder)
#2-" i wish he could have been beheaded once more just for the shame he brought on his family!!"
#1- "you said it sister! let's go and take it out on the loos of this joint! and just to bring back some kind of justice to womenkind, we'll put acid on the toilet seats in the gents' toilets! "
#1- " oh you always think of the most devious things- the feminist movement is alive today because of devoted mathraanis like you!!"

note- the last 2 comments were not actually made by these 2 ladies but i can imagine that they might have indulged in this kind of vitriol had i bothered to listen any further.

note again- if mathraanis is politically incorrect, i most humbly apologize and hope the m********s reading my post wont hold it against me and remember to clean the ladies loo in the 5th floor?