badmonkey and his posse...a few are missing tho...

Smothered!!!

Kiss the chef...however mini...

Pearly whites..

I brush everyday!!!

A Glimpse of My Life...

A typical day, a usual disarray and me...then and now..

Future Bookworm

The smile that means worse is on the way..

Treasure Trove

Both my treasures in one place...!

Deciphering the Cust Care Speak

How many of you have ever called up anyone in customer care and within seconds gritted the enamel of your teeth and cursed the person upto their 7th generation or wished means of non-procreation on them?


Oh my! That's a whole lot of you now isn't it? But annoying as they may be and as much as we may want to hunt them down in cold blood and feed their innards to hungry hyenas, these people have a lingo, which when understood, you stop becoming feral and just accept the gospel truth. You are the customer and they really don't care! 
See? That's how you can use the words customer care in one sentence :P


This is a ready reckoner for dealing with, demystifying and ultimately keeping your blood pressure under control when dealing with the DUH!-sters aka customer care reps.The statements include the tripe doled out by the customer care personnel either face to face or on the phone. And the corresponding lines are what they actually may end up meaning. And frequently do :(

• We'll call you back Sir/Ma'am- NEVER be lulled into a sense of false security by this trite utterance. They will not. Nope. Nada. This sentence is to be re-garbled and understood to mean You call back Sir/Ma'am.
• We'll call back in 5 minutes- The mythical 5 minutes will start when I feel like it so it could be 5 minutes from the 4th Tuesday of November in 2012. 
• I'll connect you with our technical people- my knowledge of retrieving data is limited to turning the comp on and off. Am actually leaning into the next cubicle and checking with the guy who can actually locate IE. Am putting you on hold while I get his coffee and a samosa so he'll do my work for me .
• Let me ask my manager- I was checking out the new girl in the fragrance department and forgot all the instructions given during orientation. 
• We don't have it in stock now- we never did and we never will but am obligated by my manager to keep you happy and smile at you so I have to let you think we're the storehouse of the world's cornucopia!
• What a sweet child you have- damn! get the monkey off my shelves! I'll have to go and organize it all again. You'd better buy enough to make me a damn good commission for all the stuff your kid's scattering about.
• It'll be done soon Ma'am- soon is a good word. Am not sure when these chaps will get around to fixing that. Let me keep her on hold and play muzak till she gets into a coma.
• We are here to serve you- till I get a job that pays me enough that I can call someone else up and yell at them instead!
• You want your points redeemed?- perfect! as if my day wasn't fascinating enough without having to hunt down your silly points so you can save 50 bucks on a 5000 ka purchase!
• Thank you calling, shopping with us yada yada and have a good day- now that you've ruined my day I hope you get a flat tire, your shopping bag splits and you lose your credit cards you horrible people!!!

Disclaimer- The views expressed are sincere and non-retractable till the day I come across a person who doesn't turn into a drooling, half-wit, with the attention span of a microbe and who can actually manage to not look relieved when you depart the shop (sound relieved while hanging up) after transacting your business.

Or maybe it's just me who attracts such Igors? Naah! Am too lovable by half!

The wallops the weekend packs...

After a long time I just took off to spend time with a few friends. After a looong time.
The time off was utilized well and packed with laughs and catching up as was expected but there was waaay more excitement waiting for me back home.

Red was babysitting and in the process of sitting with the baby (who does everything but sit in one place) he noticed that one of the darts was missing a small tablet-like magnet from it's bottom. And he looked high..and he looked low. And came to the conclusion which any parent of a toddler will- his son had swallowed the magnet. What helped this New Age Sherlock Holmes come to this deduction was the fact that the aforementioned toddler had been sucking on the dart with gusto a while back.

So Toddler-Parent#1 called up Toddler-Parent#2 and spoke of the near-calamity. T-P#2 called up the pediatrician and her Doctor-For-All-Seasons&Illnesses friend and found that they both recommended getting a xray done of the greedy gobbler's chest and tummy to make sure that the magnet was indeed in the tummy and not taking a nap in the throat passage somewhere. And off they went.

Incidentally the child in question was his usual self..he didn't seem to be "stuck" to anything in particular or have a more magnetic personality than usual...sorry...fatigue forces out my non-funny bone.
Anyway, after battling through the hordes of parents waiting with their sniffling, crying, whining,tantrumy,quiet-as-a-mouse chilren our turn finally came just so the doc could write down the kind of xray needed for MLM (Mommy's Lil Monster). Talk about being rigid and cautious. Malpractice anyone?

The taking of the xray however, was another doozy. Red and I had to get MLM in a position reminiscent of a person being stretched out on the rack with Red holding the hands and me the feet. The position took 15 mins and more poses than what a fashion photographer probably puts his anorexic models through, whereas the actual xray was over by the time I blinked. Talk about an anticlimax.
So MLM cheerfully waved the xray tech bye even with tears streaming down his face and hiccuping into the bargain.

Long story short- no magnetic. No harm. No foul. No emetic needed. No laxative either. Nothing!!!

But at the end of the day I had a brainstorm (which, if drunk enough or stressed enough I WILL try) that I could feed MLM enough of those tiny magnets to create a strong enough magnetic pull from within and then stick him up on the refrigerator door and go about my business! He can wave at the whole world from his elevated position and work on his magnetism all in one go :)

It's a racket I tell ya!

Apart from the obvious people who benefit when you have a child (believe you me, sometimes you really have to tell yourself that it's a good thing) I've begun to feel that quite a few people gain substantially.

For example, and I know that I'm not alone here, I'm sure that locksmiths get many phone calls from parents with children who are in various stages of gaining their mobility. I know I'll be calling one to see if he can put locks on the following-

1. the fridge door.
2. the refridgerator door (and you thought getting a big fridge with the freezer in the bottom was a good thing. Hah! Fat lot you know!!)
3. any cabinet made of glass.
4. any cabinet made of wood.
5. any thing that opens. And closes again.
6. the toilet seat (yup, that one falls hard on those little hands)
7. the laptop.
8. the mobile fone. (the landlines already have that ugly little box available that you can lock with that microscopic key).
9. and pretty much just about everything!

Red usually wonders why I no longer take the trouble to dress up. You know, something around the neck, earrings, make-up...the whole shebang! 

Well, today when I thought I ought to go green for the celebration of the harvest festival in A.P (Ugadi), I decided to wear my green silk along with some matching bangles.

Should've stuck to jeans!!

Everytime I tried to tuck in my sari, my son got up and starting walking around with the pallu and seeing how far it would go. So eventually he had to be put back in his cot with a big bottle of milk for distraction. Yup. That didn't work either. By the time I opened the closet to get the bangle box out, the little monkey was already waiting up on the bed, milk bottle in tow and ready to dive into the box of gol-gol stuff that unfortunately for me, was damn glittery and just his type!

After wrestling away my other bangles for him I realised he was sitting on 2 of the bangles that I was supposed to wear today. I feared for the bangles since his posterior was nicely covered with Ye Old Pampers. But he did get up? Nope! He thought it was another game I was playing with him and started scooting around the bed and taking the bangles along with him, right under his bum. 

Talk about giving me the bum rush!

So bangles were put on, the rare chain was around the neck when he noticed it had dangly things on it. And there he was trying to shimmy up my legs so he could verify that the danglers did dangle well.

But let's move onto the party now shall we?

The party had coolers. The coolers have air vents. The air vents are large. A child's hands are small. The air vents call to the child to put the hands inside them. The mommies prevent this. The mommies get kicked and grumpy looks are cast all around :)

And then we came back home. And it began all over again :)

Honestly speaking, I wouldn't call him a brat. I just don't know what to call him though. He's curiouser than Curious George. He's more adventurous than Columbus and only the oddest things scare the bejesus out of him.But it's only a matter of time that those particular things stop being his kryptonite also.

I find myself gazing fondly at him and am sure many people see me and think, aww, doting mother. But the ones who know that gleam in my eyes know that while I'm seeing my kid, am seeing him trussed up in a straitjacket and hopelessly immobile. Just for a bit. And I take a nice long break before the sound of glass tinkling comes from the kitchen or somewhere else and he goes, " Mamma...oh-oh!"

Delayed reactions...

I've named this post thus because most of the things mentioned here have caused a reaction in me quite a while back but it's only now that the blog has decided to emerge. It was floating about disembodied in the recesses of my head till a few mins back.

So let's go....

Alright people, what's the deal with yet another book on M.K Gandhi? The man lived and died a long time ago and has undoubtedly left his mark globally. Despite the fact that I am not a fan, I don't take away from his efforts either. So why is his sexuality coming into question now? What's the value add? Will he be demystified any further if the world does discover that he may or may not have been a bisexual? Seriously, what gives?

Of all the things to research into or even wonder about- people have to scratch their intellect about *that*?

And speaking of asinine (well we didn't actually speak of it earlier but it was implied throughout), the chief minister of Andhra Pradesh handing out goody bags which would have set the state exchequer back by a not-negligible amount has come to light. And MLAs are all but jumping for joy like 6 year olds on a sugar kick! And we still wonder why there are roads being left unrepaired, street lights being nonexistent for years on end and whatnot! But sure, by all means let the fat cats get fatter. And how will securing someone's vote with an iPad help in gaining stability? The moment something else is out there, something better that is, the opposition need only get a newer, better goody bag and there's a government about to be toppled over. But on a positive note, the Samsung Tablet and the iPad have got better propaganda this way than they had earlier courtesy their respective companies' campaigns or KJo distributing the former by the hamperloads :)

I didn't know another important thing ( I don't know QUITE a bit I'll admit), Indane prohibits their customers from booking a second cylinder even if one's lying about empty at home, unless 21 days have passed since the 1st one was delivered. This helps in making sure that each one gets enough. Of course if you really want your cooking gas to turn up on time, as is your due as a paying customer, just offer a bit more money to the delivery guy or the distributors and just cut in ahead of the line. Simple and easy as pie!

So I go and tell the distributor that I need to talk to someone in charge since I can't go for more than 1 month on one cylinder...he gives me the # of their head office which, surprise surprise is disconnected. But hey! he did his job by promptly passing me onto someone else. One could also complain online but...wait for it! That particular page's under construction! 

Is this what they call as a vicious cycle?

I'll end up with cyclic phases of mania this way am sure :)

Caveat Emptor..

There really should be warning labels on kids. After the new experiences in potty training there are other concerns which crop up especially during the terrible twos-wala phase. This phase I'm told lasts till they turn 5 or parents end up in a loony bin, whichever occurs earlier :p

Last night, after he got a second wind and started laughing and playing catch-me-if-you-can at 9:30 I got to thinking...I'm responsible for all this energy. I encourage the rambunctiousness. While Red's taught him how to "THOO" with just about anything...I've been encouraging him to walk and run and jump and now it's been done in abundance.
I feed him chyawanprash and God only what else to give him energy and vitality. And when that energy comes right back at me I'm left floundering :)

At this age, children are natural imitators. They may not be able to express a lot of things terribly coherently but they comprehend a helluva lot. Yesterday the offspring hit me right in the eye with his bottle. It HURT. And I got quiet for a bit. Quelled the urge to spank his butt rosy red and was waiting for the eye to stop watering. The little man got all serious and made sure I was smothered with kisses till he got the "All clear" signal from me before running off to do more of the 'good stuff'!

It's actually quite silly to expect him or any other child to understand differentiations between what is good or bad. Because except for putting his hand in the power socket or touching sharp objects, there isn't much that he can do that I can genuinely object to. I ought not to take him to Gymboree then. He learns to climb, jump, go through tunnels and whatnot!
What happens at home is a reproduction of those activities but in the setting he is familiar with. He runs out the door to climb up or down the stairs (major eeks!), he crawls under the chairs of the dining table, he climbs on the sofas just so he can jump down and the rest of it simply because he likes doing it.
And at this age they really do not understand why their fun time needs to be rationed. I can't have him jump for an hour when it's fun for me to see him and applaud his efforts and then tell him to be a good boy and stop doing it. Confusion sets in. Why is he a good boy for doing something new and then a good boy again for not doing it?

The inevitable will happen. He'll continue jumping up and down, climbing, falling, running, scratching on mud, picking up dirt, taking my utensils, turning on taps and pretty much whatever he wants...because doing something is always more fun and exciting rather than *not*.
Who wants to sit quietly and listen to boring mom's take on the tickly tiger when you can pounce around, growl and roll on the ground the way the tigers on Animal Planet do?

He sleeps less. Only because there's so much stimulation around him and he's become used to it. But he's not a kid who is hyper unnecessarily. You supply the stimulation and obviously something will result from it. So all the bath squeezies that I gave him to make bath time fun have resulted in elaborate games being made up inside that little head and now he refuses to get out of the tub. Add to it the heat and bada bing!

So, to make a long story short. there's usually a reason for most of his behavior. Just need to remember that the next time I slip in a puddle of water in the living room which seems to anything but water :D

The tottering tot and the people in his life

Written on 10th October, 2010

The munchkin completed 14 months yesterday and despite all the comparisons which are inevitable with other tots of his age, am very happy that he's turning into a completely different person from his father and I and is into doing his own thing.

He hasn't learnt fear yet, of that am ambivalent because it stops him from being cautious or listening to warnings about a few things. But at the same time am glad that my fallacies or silly fears aren't getting transferred to him. We make it a point to chase the house lizards instead of my using shrieking and praying for the Divine Hand to strike them dead where they crawl my walls.
He picks up bugs and is a bit picky about his tastes so no unnecessary non-veg stuff has been added in his diet. YET.

As for the people in his life- let's start with my maid. She dotes on him and has been seeing him since he was 26 days old. Every milestone of his she notes and goes and brags about to the other people she works for. They play peekaboo and she's thoroughly tickled when he does his clap-clap and bye-bye. Apparently there aren't too many babies who do it as adorably as mine does :P

His grandparents aka the Mater and Pater. They miss him awfully and keep cooing to him over the speakphone a few times in the day. Am required to furnish details of his escapades and my father (Mr.Impatience himself wrt Moi) keeps telling me to be patient and not scold him. How the tide's turned...
My mother sings to him over the phone and keeps laughing at his antics and keeps telling me to be careful with him and not let him out of my sight much. Yup...I'll do that when the house needs remodelling and I can't afford a proper decorator. The mini me will tear stuff down; the walls too if need be.

His playmates in the building- are few. Most kids are taken care of by ad hoc nannies the parents supervise from the building or via mobiles. The kids try to climb into his pram and seem quite attracted to something in him which I can't quite place. He's unashamedly aloof with another boy in the building, reserving his smiles and claps for the fairer sex. Amongst whom, the fairer the better is the name of the game :)

His father- has become his partner in crime of late. Teaching him to throw stuff, further and further each time is what these two love to do. And Red is also his sanctuary from the mad mommy and her barks and occasional bites.

His mommy aka moi- well..we test the boundaries of our relationship everyday. He knows me better than I know him. He pushes my buttons like few others do and is very quick to manipulate. Kisses are given rapidly to avoid slaps on the bum and deafness is feigned when I'm not compliant enough or other more pliable people are around :)
He eats my food, demands my soft drinks and ice cream and my cellulite is his trampoline.

What more does a child need?

A dog maybe?

If I wrote a children's' book

I would write a book for the people who are contemplating on the contemplation of kids. It would be succinct and would be about the following:

• spending time with parents with kids of differing ages before actually beginning the process of parenting oneself [ the real time fun, angst, swearing, laughing and desire to use sedatives by the parents on the children are quite the eye-opener!]
• changing one nappy, potty preferably.
• feeding a child who has gained mobility. Something that is semi-solid and has a color that can and will stain a light-colored clothing; again preferably yours.
• bathing a child who is mobile and can lift himself/herself out of the tub. Whether the said child loves the water or hates it the result is the same- you will be drenched. Count on it.
• putting a child to sleep. Just once. One realizes that there's a gamut of things to explore starting from tussling the hair, patting the back, singing, cooing, walking, bouncing and yes, ultimately threatening too before the much-desired semi-conscious state is attained by the child.
• taking the child out to the park or any area where the following things excite the tot who has mobility- dogs, cats, birds, cars, PEOPLE...anything actually. Mine once watched a half-crushed slug for 20 minutes and clapped sporadically. So really, it can be ANYTHING.
• taking the kid to the supermarket for the first time. In an aisle which is particularly colorful and bright. And then what happens is no mystery...everything ends up in your cart.
• refusing the child something he or she really wants but you most certainly do not! What follows is the most intricate turns, bends, foot stomps and yelling- and that's just by you. What the child will do is anyone's guess...especially yours.
• watching a child sleep. The peace exuded by the child is so pervasive that you will just drop down and snooze on the spot. Amongst god knows what all. Yes. You will.
• hearing a child laugh. Everyday there's a new pitch, a new gurgle and a new tinkling sound that comes through. It's quite an art form actually. Especially one where it's not practised knowingly so au naturelle will bring out the best.

After all this has been indulged along with a few bites, nibbles, drools, spit-ups, hurling sessions most likely one will take the decision that I did- ride it out.

Everyday's beautiful and exhaustingly so. But then again, who knows how they view us...but that's another post. I have to rush...my lil cherub is yelling his head off and trying to hit new keys to show his impatience with his absent mother.

Salut!

To Grin&Bear it..

The dictionary of idioms defines "to grin and bear it" as thus-to endure something unpleasant in good humor.
But if we remember the original humors, this idiom could just as well end up being a veneer for a choleric individual aiming for phlegmatic.
Truth be told, I seldom have been able to do just that. It usually becomes a case of grinning and baring it. The fangs that it. While the mind takes its own course of exactly who'll be the last one laughing (or in this case, grinning) by the time doomsday arrives.

I suppose good humor does deflect or even diminish a lot of the stresses in life. But it doesn't diminish the stressor(s). Those things/people/situations that turn people into malcontents.

Am I a malcontent? I suppose so. In bits. Sporadically. But I do grin and bear a lot of things that come my way. Either because the eventual payoff's worth it or enduring stress for the "greater good" will also tell of good things to come. Or ultimately because I've got special someones to go and spew bile to.

What really gets my goat is that things/people/situations that cause annoyance on an irritatingly regular basis usually are exempted from learning of the impact their behavior or even mere existence causes another. Ergo grinning and bearing may not always be the best policy all the time.

So till the time a perfect approach to managing stress for malcontents is discovered I'll just take a twist of lime, some tonic and GIN& bear it. So either Tanqueray it or go the Beefeater way...it'll be a lot easier to handle from the other end of the hic hic spectrum.

The gamut of a child's comprehension..

ranges from the minuscule to the gigantic! They can take a concept and keep it compartmentalized or apply it to whatever seems to come close to it.
The end result may end up being funny or border on annoyance depending on which time of day your offspring decides to spew forth his understanding of concepts taught.

Case in point- the toilet training of my son. It's been a long while in the offing. I initially tried after he learnt to sit. Got him a cute turtle potty which was fun to play with. The little man was made to sit on it with and without diapers so to get used to the funda of sitting somewhere for a bit (yes, that's right. He doesn't linger much. ANYWHERE!!) and all he'd do was sit on it and rock away. He'd learnt to control his poop and pee because he'd NEVER go in the potty. He'd wait till the diaper was off or on and do the deeds :)

When he began to understand instructions more, I used to try to get him to sit but he'd end up braking his feet like the Looney Tunes characters and getting him to sit became a task worthy of the Olympics!

I grumbled and nagged Red (who did not help much by saying, "It's time to potty train him you know.") You think?!! I spoke to pals who had baby boys specifically and asked their help (and bitched) and they said let him learn on his own. It'll happen. I said, "from your mouth to God's ears." and waited patiently.

And now the glorious hours are dawning. Potty is being done. Averaging one a day in the potty. Sometimes none at all and others, 2-3 in a day. But the concept has been learnt. The monkey keeps chanting, "mamma, mamma, mamma" when he needs to go. And also when he's done the deed and wants to be cleaned up. He's also learnt that potty= chhee-chhee.

So now the scope of the "chhee" has been widened to include the butt, the training potty, any part of the body where the chhee touches, the wipes, the mug with which chhee's washed, the dirty diapers and all kinds of spots and blemishes that he might come across. Anywhere!!

This morning when Red spilled some coffee, the monkey kept chanting chheee and pointing at the coffee spill till Red got some towels and mopped it up! Again when he kicked some fruit mush out of the bowl and it got onto his highchair, he told me with a lot of solemnity,"Mamma CHHEEE-CHHEE.

But when the actual chhee is done in the desired place, one must clap (loudly), say he's a good boy and be generous with the kissy-kissy. For then and only then can he be prevailed upon for a repeat performance. Else one must be prevailed upon to be flagged down from whatever activity one was indulging in, sniff the ripeness of the diaper, lay him down, take off the diaper to be told in what can only be labelled as a DUH! tone- mamma chhee-chhee :) And be prepared to see a non-diapered lil monkey scamper off the bed and run off to do whatever he wants; minus the chhee-chhee :D

To Ferberize or Not to Ferberize..

There's no question..Ferberize!!

When my son was quite a bit younger and Red and I were still patrolling our room like night watchmen, we were advised to Ferberize him and Ferberize him good!

It was less to do with my being maternal and more to do with a child who didn't understand much of what was going on around him and his two main supports just up and leaving him to cry. So we decided against it and it's only of late that we've felt that the decision was largely an emotional one and not a logical one.

Now that the offspring can practically run around and has given into his intrinsic urge to climb everything climbable, he detests being restrained in any manner unless he's assured of perpetual motion and entertainment. Yeah right! What do I have? Cirque du Soleil in my livingroom? Pshaw!

Anyhow, in order to go and do anything at all these days means having him as my shadow. Normally I wouldn't mind a shadow as cute as him and neither would I mind the constant babble an irritant, but the reaching of his often extends to things harmful for him and a refusal leads to feet stamping and whining.

I can't stand whiny kids. I cant stand mine a tad bit more because he's the cutest most aww le mummum baby in the whole wide world. But even then it's really pushing it when it goes on beyond a point.

So today I left him in his cot and walked around doing some stuff around the house and ignored him. When he started to screech and get red in the face I walked out of the room and half closed the door behind me. He retaliated by gagging himself. When that didn't work ( I peeked to make sure he wasn't throwing up) he finally pulled out the Brahmastra! he called to me plaintively and said "Mamma"...damn that kid! He's good. But I'm better...marginally.

I took him out of his cot expecting to be hugged and exchange kisses and clean his runny nose, when Lo and Behold! The lil dumpling laughed through his tears and clapped his hands.

Now, in time every kid learns that you shouldn't mess with the Mommy person. And so did my kid. But being the ace that he is, am sure that particular point will have to be reinforced daily for the next 2 weeks, at least!

I promptly put him back in the cot, picked up a novel and sat right in front of him reading and oh! did I mention I got myself some tea to add insult to the injury?

So there I was, sipping, reading and ignoring to my heart's content.

He stamped his feet, held his breath, banged his chin against the cot rails and then quietened down and played with his toys till he really got sleepy. Tiny arms were then held out and truce was declared and the Geneva Convention between mother and son was signed.

He now sleepeth and I am left, yet again, marveling at how far ahead kids can think!

But it's like I told Red later, if the kid's old enough to plot how to bamboozle, then he's jolly well old enough to be hoisted on his own petard!

But on a less vengeful note, it makes sense I think for a child to be able to self-soothe. Not because I'm not going to be around or because if I nurture him now it'll spoil him for life. No. The earlier he can self-soothe the faster his own comfort occurs he's a happy baby again. It never hurts to be able to take care of yourself. Even from the cradle onwards.

Now lemme go cry to my mommy about the hard knocks in my life ;)

at the end of the day..

the smiles, the dimples win over the other things combined!

Whether it is a nice, long scratch on the nose (like the one I'm sporting) or a few bites marks (some out of love and some out of anger), the smiles and wiles of a child will triumph over the odds and let them romp home victorious.

My child has a very fixed personal space. His is moderately large (how is that for vague?) and is activated by human triggers more than anything else.
And he's very, very alert. He'll be slouched in his high chair finishing his milk when a movement near the door (10 odd feet away and seemingly away from his line of vision) will have him sit up straight and start off his interrogation in the best baby cop talk ever!

My house, being spacey, has spoiled him a bit because his concept of space is an area where no more than 2 people are present at a time, and even if there are more, they are the ones who are permitted to witness his antics. So during this week, while getting some work (plumbing and carpentry) done at home I saw a different side of him emerge that made me realize that he is really selective about the people around him.

He LOVES to wave at all and sundry but not everyone's allowed near him. Even the ones he goes running after, may not be accorded hugs and kisses. And just because he's dependent on me for everything doesn't mean that he won't aim his kicks at me at the first sight of any discomfort when his space's invaded.

But after some time when the workers leave and the house is restored to it's regular glorious messy ways, it's a jubilant and vibrant child gamboling about as if the ire vented on the inhabitants of the house was a thing of fantasy :o)

Just some time back, after facing some sulks and some stuff being thrown about, I was subjected to lavish kisses and bites on the nose as a mark of all being right with the world.

I really wonder how this one will fare in school...either there'll be regular reports of bites on other children or little girls and dogs being chased as if there was no tomorrow.
Either way it'll be a dandy and there'll always be a share of the bites, nibbles, drools, hugs and sloppy kisses for me alone.

Not a bad note to end on at all.

A duh moment..

is what I've been having for a while now...and today was a maha 3 stooges moment! Minus the boinky music.

I had a face pack on and the offspring was trying to either lick it or touch it or basically just ascertain if it was mommy under the funny color. Anyhoo, suffice to say it that he did not get any of the stuff on his lil stubby fingers. But among the stuff in his path to reaching my face was a comb.

I promptly put it out of reach and forgot about it. Now it would be prudent to mention here that am blind as a bat and without glasses I was batty all the way!
By the time the war paint came off I realized that the comb was stuck behind my ponytail and it was THAT particular item that the son and heir was making a beeline for.

Quite a DOH! moment all in all but I guess banta hai...after gadzillions of subterfuges to hide things from him I keep finding those things all over the place. when I least expect it. 

The one thing they NEVER tell you about being preggers and after is that it addles your noggin like nothing else ever! And if you're anyhow lost somewhere between diaperland and baby mush then the addling is just insult to injury.

But my expression of surprise at seeing the comb perched in my own hair was a wonderful tribute to all that is dumb and Larry, Curly and Moe!

Back again...

Am a little older. Duh! Not much wiser. Duh again! But the happiness has been growing. Yay!

Happiness aka my child is nearly one and hasn't turned into one of those hellions that mothers warn you about. Sadly, only the middle-aged mothers who have sons dating girls unapproved by them warn you about male children being the spawn of the devil. Or something to that effect!

He has gone from a scrawny child to a dumpling and now has lengthened out just right and has a sparkling smile (for girls mainly) and knows just how to manipulate. That is childhood am told.

So from gently cradling his wobbly head, to inducing him to go potty in the lil turtle with the red hatchback, to bamboozling him into having his medicines, hogtying him to clean up his congested nose; we've traversed pretty far. His father and I that is.

And now on the brink of his 1st birthday, all I can remember is an infant dependent on me entirely and each milestone he's attained. Some funnily and some with difficulty.

Would I go down this road again? Ask me after he graduates summa cum laude from somewhere. Hopefully I should have some clarity by then. :p

e-HOW brings you."HOW TO MAKE A BABY LAUGH"

Step #1-You will need a baby, preferably. Else anyone with a less than requisite IQ for their age range will also suffice.

Step#2- Put baby on his/her back and facing you. If baby refuses to face you, move right into baby's face and make like a solar eclipse till all the baby can see is you.

Step#3- Let go of all inhibitions, sense of importance and any positions attained at the office.

Step#4- Prepare to open and close mouth like goldfish, make spluttering sounds, even farty ones and basically sound like a clown on uppers and downers all at once! If that allusion doesn't ring a bell, think of Darwin and emulate a simian. If holding a banana will help draw forth your inner monkey, go for it!

Step#5- Don't spare the baby, if need be tickle till they puke the formula!

Step#6- Take a hit from the oxygen cylinder kept handy (did I skip this step?) since all the shenanigans will invariably leave you forgetting to breathe. If a woman, fall back on Lamaze learnt during birthing classes.

Step#7- If all else fails and desired decibels of laughter aren't elicited from baby, move away and let the baby watch the ceiling fan rotate. Guaranteed to bring forth gummy smiles and the kind that make the tots go boinkers!