31 January, 2011

What's up Doc?

It's become evident that few people can go to the doctor for a simple, even non-clinical requirement and come back without feeling like they were modern-day Frankenstein's monsters or something to that extent.

I'd gone to the dentist over the weekend for a simple scaling. A scaling I tell ya, and I met with the most lachrymose-type doc I'd ever met. I was wondering if she'd starting weeping at the sight of my plaqued teeth or not. But Ye Funereal Teeth Cleaner Lady just told me with the right amount of doom in her voice, that I had an overbite and that my teeth were grinding against each other. 

When I asked her how my teeth could grind themselves without any help from me or my jaw, she looked even more melancholy and said my teeth would get shorter, but conversely with my gums receding my teeth would become more exposed (imagine me as all gleaming calcium caps on display peeps!) and in time they (the non-pearlies) would become lose, move (teeth migrated too huh?) and I might have to get them extracted- UNLESSS...
I wore braces!!

So she very glibly told me about her orthodontist friend who again, very conveniently also attends the clinic where I'd gone to. She then mistook my gobsmacked look to mean that I didn't know what an orthodontist was and proceeded to explain.

When I recovered from the experience of being told my mouth and teeth were on the highway to hell (dentally of course) I asked her if wearing braces would curb the problem for sure. Mrs. Dirgeful Mourning 2011 told me that nothing was for certain and that after atleast 1.5 to 2 years of wearing the braces we'd know then. 
I was feeling quite bummed out (mainly by her tone and demeanor and about braces which I've hated since I was a kid) and told her, "I never thought I'd have to wear braces at my age!" She promptly asked for my age and when I told her (you thought I'd mention it here, didn't you? Suckers!!) she told me with a lot of gloomy relish that it could happen to anyone but mine was in the initial stages so I should be happy.

After all that nonsense we finally got the damn teeth clean! Thankfully another doc did it. I wouldn't have opened my mouth for the sad freak ever!!

I kept thinking that I had no disease per se and the Angel of Doom was making such long pronouncements about it in her most sepulchral manner; what if she'd been another kind of doctor and had to tell the patient that something WAS seriously wrong with them? She'd probably have Berlioz's Symphonie Fantastique playing in the background to give it the proper doomsday tone!! 

Am I going back to see the orthodontist? No way Jose! If they have a problem with that I got something to tell them- Bite ME!

2 comments:

Unintelligent Guy said...

Just stumbled by your blog. You have some sense of humor. Good writing...

Gollum Rules! said...

Dear U.G,

Thank you! While I genuinely blog to express myself (not inspired by Madonna)it totally peps me up to be complimented :)

I am sporadically funny but always vocal :p

Ciao!