Fee Fie Fo Fum!

Said the giant before Jack whooped his bottom and took away his essence of being a giant altogether!

Ok...how does that make any sense you ask? I'll tell you...just let me spin out my tale a bit more...

Parenting. Glorious parenting. Tis fun. Tis joyous. Brings tears to your eyes at times (for many reasons, not all of them good) but god dammit! Why does it have to be so HARD???!!!

One mom I met a few months back at the doctor's office said something which is SO true for most of us...we wait for our babies to talk and take their first steps and then when they achieve said milestones all we seem to be capable of telling them is SHUSH and DON'T RUN AROUND!

If my speech was transcribed throughout the day (like a court reporter does) I have a feeling most of it would start like this (especially when taken in conjunction to my communication with MLM):

Morning (before coffee)- moan, groan, grumble, curse (while stepping on some toy which has wheels or a part sharp enough to poke).

Waking up MLM- (singsong) Hey Buddy..waaaaake upppp! Good morningggg! How are you todayyy? Kissy kissy, cuddley-wuddley and all that jazz.

Getting him to brush his teeth and bathe while keeping an eye on the wall clock- To the tune of This is the Way We Go To School- this is how we brush our teeth...la la la la laaaa.
On seeing that aforementioned teeth are not getting brushed- WOULD YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH ALREADY!! JESUS CHRIST! YOU NEED A DARN JACK TO PRISE OPEN THIS CHILD'S MOUTH! OPEN UP NOW!!! GOOD BOY...see...pretty white teeth...keep them nice and clean...STOP CHEWING ON YOUR TOOTHBRUSH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! YE GODS..I GAVE BIRTH TO A GOAT!

And so the morning progresses.

On the way to school we sing Eeya Eeya O!! till new requests for songs get delivered right into my ear. And then the exchange becomes like this-
WHY ARE YOU HISSING INTO MY EAR!  NO! NO! DON'T FIDDLE WITH THE RADIO...AAARGH TURN IT DOWN..TOO LOUD..NO I DON'T WANT THE WIPERS GOING SWISH SWISH..IT'S NOT RAINING...OK FINE..NO! DON'T TOUCH THE HAZARD LIGHTS...I CAN'T SEE THE ELEPHANT IN THE CLOUD NOW I'M DRIVING! SIT DOWN NOW!!

And so we get dropped off to school, exchange kisses and promises of being good and having fun yada yada.
Then comes the coming back from school part- ( again imagine singsong happy-happy la-la voice...to start with): How was school? Did you have fun! What did you see? Did you eat your snacks? Wha..what...! NO NO...NO CHOCOSHOT! STOP LYING DOWN ON THE ROAD...NO KFC NOW EITHER...WOULD YOU PLEASE NOT KICK MY SEAT WHILE YOU THROW THE TANTRUM...AARGH....GOD! I MISS BEING SINGLE!!

Then comes the bath and evening play time: (less singsong...cheer is decidedly being summoned)- Let's go bathe and get fresh...you're all stinky poo-poo (yes we baby talk..so shoot me!). HANG ON HANG ON...DON'T POUR MY FACE WASH INTO THE TUB..THOSE AREN'T BUBBLES...OK YES THEY ARE BUBBLES BUT NOT YOUR BUBBLES..THOSE ARE MY BUBBLES...SIGH..TAKE IT ALL...just sit down and get clean you force of nature...

Going to the playground- Who's going to have FUN?! YES! That's right...10 minutes into the playtime...please share the swings...plEASE...PLEASE..WOULD YOU JUST GO PLAY ON THE SLIDES OR SOMETHING...IT'S BEEN AN HOUR AND MY HANDS ARE GOING TO FALL OFF..I'M NOT PUSHING YOU ANYMORE AND THAT'S FINAL! AM LEAVING...DON'T THINK AM BLUFFING..AM GOING...WHOA...HANG ON...DON'T RUN IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION THE CAR IS THIS WAY...grumble grumble...curse curse...pine for alcohol and wish for a husband who worked from home!!

Bed time: RINSE YOUR MOUTH. GO PEE. GET INTO BED. LET'S READ YOUR BOOKS FOR THE UPTEENTH TIME ON THE SAME PAGE, SAME LINE, SAME WORD....

By the time the little eyes close and the HUK (hug) and kisses happen the voice is again mellow and singsong and thinking ' awww...isn't he beautiful? Yeah...I can do this another day. NOT RIGHT NOW...later. much later.

What You Say Vs What They Hear

I keep wondering what is it that makes my kid do the opposite of what I ask (read threaten/yell) him to do.

These are the very regular occurrences in our house:

• Stand still gets interpreted as be anything but still.
• Be quiet or HUSH= keep chattering incessantly.
• Just a minute/second= I want it NOW!
• Give me a minute to catch my breath= peppered by demands.
• No iPad/TV = GIVE iPad/TV NOW!
• Let's eat dinner= I want JAMP (jam).
• Let's each lunch= I want chips!
• Let's brush your teeth= eating the toothpaste.
• Rinse your mouth properly= water trickling out of the corners of the mouth with zero rinsing having taken place.
• Enough ketchup= squeezing out another massive glob of it.
• Eat properly with the spoon= eating with both hands in one go and looking absolutely simian in the process.
• DON'T=DO
• ENOUGH= NEVER ENOUGH
• I'M ANGRY WITH YOU= thousands of kisses rained on my face as a bribe.
• GO STAND IN THE CORNER= slowly inching away from the corner and smiling like an evil monkey.
• Let's not put the Play Doh on the sofa= rubbing it even more into the fabric.
• Don't write on the walls= put handprints with paint instead.
• GO TO SLEEP= STAY UP AN EXTRA HOUR JUST TO SPITE ME.

See what I mean!

Clearly I live in the Land of Opposite and MLM is King!

Movie Review- The Wolverine

Let me be the first to admit that I'm gaga over Hugh Jackman. He epitomizes the essence of stereotyped masculinity for me- ruggedly handsome, broad shoulders, good dentition and a sense of humor. Also, let's not forget his height.I am especially gaga about Mr.Jackman as Wolverine 

 ( with his dog-tags, facial hair that stops short of being massively hirsute and the rippling muscles and gleaming claws) and therefore was awaiting his latest stint as the mutant with a lot of ill-concealed anticipation but alas...I was to be disappointed: in both Mr.Jackman and his onscreen avatar.

Here's what works for the movie- it helps you pass the time on a Friday night. That's it!

Here's what doesn't work- Mr.Jackman looking older and tireder (I understand Wolverine has a lot of mental angst but for a man who doesn't age, he looks like Botox would be a good call) and his emoting is stilted and every dialogue is via clipped teeth and an annoyance at life at large which is off the charts. And what's with the rippling sinews? Did someone unleash worms under his skin? Jeez!
Logan is at crossroads so maybe it makes sense for him to seem disinterested or even angry at the world at large while he figures out whether to cross over to Jean Grey or stay on this mortal coil and remain indestructible. Whew! Lots of tough choices to make.

Moving on- the movie doesn't meander or jump but seems to be lacking in the life that was so chock full in X-Men Origins: Wolverine.

With the Japanese underworld getting into the act, Admantium samurais and a new mutant- Viper who appears out of nowhere and is again banished fairly easily the bad guys really don't have much of a role to play.

Tao Okamoto as Mariko is fine. Period. Some liveliness is injected by the red haired Yukio (Rila Fukushima) but everyone else is just a bit player and can be done without as well.

For that matter the action is hackneyed with the same kind of moves being executed by Wolverine and the people he's fighting against. Hardly any sign of newness that should come with the vision of a new director-James Mangold
And definitely nothing remotely like the kind of edgy action one found with the last Wolverine outing the last fight scene had Wolverine slashing off the head of Weapon XI aka a further mutated Deadpool

All in all...the movie is tired. You too feel tired watching it and while exiting you wonder where Wolverine went and if he and Mr.Jackman will return in the avatars that made them famous.

Sequels aren't always a good idea. Clearly.

Rating: One thumb down.

Like A Phoenix

A lot of blogs turn out to be a plunge into some deep chasm of thought. It's not. I suddenly get a notion in my head. It often cries for a platform. Some days I can give it one and other days it's shunted onto my list of things-to-do-but-not-now-maybe-later.

After a long time I napped in the afternoon. It was my own fault. Sunday comes every week but I don't indulge in heavy meals that make one languorous. Today I did and as a result I stretched out next to my mom (another factor in inducing sleep) and conked off the moment the head and pillow connected.

That Red kicked me out of the room and took charge of MLM was probably the biggest reason for being able to sleep for 2 hours.

When the mind is relaxed it seems into sink into itself. Not like a balloon with air going out of it but almost like it heaves a small sigh of relief that you aren't stretching it to all ridiculous lengths and just starts emitting little blurbs of thoughts like a person lazying blowing bubbles. Or as in my case, a contented person emitting little burps.

So the mind burped this thought- everything that grows brings with it something that had to break.
It wasn't a "Whoa horsey" kind of thought either. It was reflective.

A empty land becomes an apartment complex. It's dug into and practically eviscerated but it's growth. And breakage. The homes are built and we "break" the space which earlier existed and coop ourselves up into an affordable number of square feet and call it home.

Relationships grow and break your notions of what is and what should be. Thinks are seldom tweaked. It's usually a structural kind of change that happens and the mind fits itself around the new thought, the new idea and tries it on. Sometimes it fits and other times you're left with something that is chokingly tight or so loose that you just can't work yourself into it and it just hangs uncomfortably around you and your life.

It was a very A-Ha experience as Red calls it. Another realization. One that you might have already had but didn't allow yourself to dwell on for long.

And every time the phoenix that is the mind, rises above and tries to make sense of things, of relationships, of movements in life of the ground that is now a tall building that you have to call home, the people who are moving on, playing different roles, the child that is growing up...

Yup...Sunday afternoon naps are quite potent.

Am glad the next one will take another few months to come about :)

Sunday Retrospective

Someone got their first pinwheel today and played with it for a bit before deciding it was better to bang it together and get a jumbled heap instead.

Someone then wanted to go for a drive. And so we did. But because of someone's busy hands and fingers they got a scolding and therefore were grumpy for a bit.

But we got home with a sleepy child and a sleepier father and while they both slept, the mother-wife cooked, tinkered with her pictures and then got both sleepy lumps fed. And now while they watch Ice Age-4 am back to doing what I love best...gabbing (with the digital words this time around).

Good night!

Hues Around Me...

Black&Blue

Fuschias

Yellows

Blueish-Grey

Cerulean?

 Earthy

Fantasy

There's a trip (read numerous trips) that have been in the making for a few years. They exist on the huge, unending drawing board of my head and sometimes they come close to becoming tangible and at other times they are content to remain wisps of my imagination.

This is a glimpse of what they might've been (can be):

Tour De Romance

This would be a trip to Venice, Paris, Maldives and Napa Valley. This is how I visualize it up in the noggin-

 

The Fun (winks) Tour

This one's an out and out fun place with nightlife, laughs and just let-your-hair-down-kick-your-heels-up kinds. These are the places which feature here:

At this point my child came and dumped a big lump of dough on my lap and said he wanted to play NOW..I guess the travelling fantasies can be shelved for a little while longer...sighs..

Marking Territory

Everywhere I look, I sit the offspring's presence prevails.

The jar of Gummybears are usually within hand's reach although with the child-proof caps it's still a bit in our control when we want to hand the bears over.

There are clothes clips on the futon, tigers and lions (figures) under the sofa cushions and Play Doh and khakhra crumbs all along the path he's taken through the house. Very Hansel and Gretel and one can guess who the witch in this story is too :)

Point is- kids take over your life in toto! And when they sleep you reclaim it and the house which has their artwork all over the walls instead of the nice designs you and your husband picked out as newlyweds.

But then again they surprise you in the MOST UNEXPECTED manner. After a terribly taxing day when you've restrained yourself from leaving them on some unsuspecting person's doorstep they turn to you and execute a deep bow and say Thank You Very Much Ayu in the cutest manner ever and all's forgiven till the next transgression.

Damn! Check and mate to the offspring. Mommy's still figuring out her opening gambit!

Playing With The Hand You're Dealt...

Isn't that what it all boils down to in life? 
It isn't always celebrating the things that go well or in accordance with our plans or even making our peace with the things that don't. It's finally just existing with what IS.
Sometimes we are able to do it gracefully and other times it takes a lot of plodding and prodding to get through each day.

There's a saying by Oscar Wilde that people often smugly quote- " There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it."

I've found that while tragedy might be too strong a word for it, it does seem difficult to comprehend and accept ,what you sought out, opted for even isn't all that it's cut out to be or even worse...it's not what you want. Is inadequate.

So you shuffle the deck a few times and hope the next hand is better than the one that has you staring in bafflement.

Or you chuck the cards up in the air and don't care if they scatter all over; since it's mimicking life in doing so.

And some of us painstakingly make a house of cards. Trying to balance each card over the other and anxiously watching whether they stay up or come tumbling down.
In the end you either end up with a steady house you used up all your cards in making and are proud of or you decide to call it quits after you reach a plateau and are still left holding a few cards for later.

It's all about playing with the hand you were dealt.