The Curse of the Bored Child

A bored child is a mother's worst nightmare. It's even worse than a child who is throwing a tantrum because at least a tantrum is directed at getting something or a result of something being denied.

A child who is bored is a dangerous element in nature and in his mother's life.

A child experiencing ennui will look at things differently and objects and ideas hitherto not in his scope of thinking will suddenly appear to him and make him do things that become the bane of his mother's existence and also put him in some amount of danger.

Take my very own bored child for example: He walks around half naked most of these because of the heat and suddenly took it upon himself to lash out at everything with his grandfather's belt. He liked the swoosh of the belt as it cut through the air and when I found him he was perilously close to whipping himself on his bare back with a belt that was being thrown about with a lot of energy and speed.

A bored child will also drape themselves over their mother in a manner that prohibits that poor woman from doing anything. I mean anything. A loo break becomes manna from the gods. A quick shower becomes a forbidden luxury. One that is disrupted every 2 minutes by a whine or a pounding on the door to give miscellaneous objects since the little emperor wants to be entertained.
All the while the bemused mother's busy trying to make sure the soap doesn't get into her eyes and hurrying so much that she almost ends up moisturizing with the conditioner in her haste.

When I see my son in these phases I am alarmed since I have NO CLUE how to keep him entertained. I think of cool, open meadows where he can gallop around like an unbridled horse or leap out of the ocean like a dolphin (make that a Great White with jaws agape after a hapless seal).

And I often feel sorry for myself because I sure as hell did NOT know WHAT I was getting myself into the day this chap was born.

It must be tough being a child, wanting to do so many things and yet having so many restrictions that the adults impose on the immediate environment; especially those which are inexplicable in a child's reckoning.

On the other hand, his demeanor and intensity makes me think he can make it big as a cage fighter. 
Maybe once he's in the cage I can finally put my feet up and read a book or sip an unhurried cuppa tea.

A mother can always dream.

Losing Track of Time

I must have mentioned it here and there, a few gadzillion, times how I lose track of time ever since MLM arrived.

There are mornings when I tell Red how a particular night was and he'll respond saying it was not the previous night but a few nights ago. Or he'll talk about how long it took for MLM to sleep or how his antics were but I'd have no recollection because I was knocked out!

My nighttime sleep has never been deeper. Even if its in bits and pieces but it's almost like I've been drugged; am so languorous.

The other way I keep track of days is by who goes out of the house. As long as Red and MLM are out of the house it's a weekday/ workday.
So when MLM's summer camp sent a note saying Saturday would be a working day for me it felt like a proper weekday to my mind.

That's why I woke up this morning thinking it's a Sunday and I can sleep till either one of those two get up and wake me up with their chatter. Instead I find it's a Monday. I have only an hour before I wake MLM up for summer camp- today's splash pool day...yay! and basically am left with a feeling of having had only one day of weekend to enjoy :-p

No one likes being jipped of a weekend. Even if it's just an erroneous feeling it still makes you grumpy in the morning. My Monday morning just became extra sour.

Now I just need to find someone to rant at and all will be well again!

Deciphering the Cust Care Speak

How many of you have ever called up anyone in customer care and within seconds gritted the enamel of your teeth and cursed the person upto their 7th generation or wished means of non-procreation on them?


Oh my! That's a whole lot of you now isn't it? But annoying as they may be and as much as we may want to hunt them down in cold blood and feed their innards to hungry hyenas, these people have a lingo, which when understood, you stop becoming feral and just accept the gospel truth. You are the customer and they really don't care! 
See? That's how you can use the words customer care in one sentence :P


This is a ready reckoner for dealing with, demystifying and ultimately keeping your blood pressure under control when dealing with the DUH!-sters aka customer care reps.The statements include the tripe doled out by the customer care personnel either face to face or on the phone. And the corresponding lines are what they actually may end up meaning. And frequently do :(

• We'll call you back Sir/Ma'am- NEVER be lulled into a sense of false security by this trite utterance. They will not. Nope. Nada. This sentence is to be re-garbled and understood to mean You call back Sir/Ma'am.
• We'll call back in 5 minutes- The mythical 5 minutes will start when I feel like it so it could be 5 minutes from the 4th Tuesday of November in 2012. 
• I'll connect you with our technical people- my knowledge of retrieving data is limited to turning the comp on and off. Am actually leaning into the next cubicle and checking with the guy who can actually locate IE. Am putting you on hold while I get his coffee and a samosa so he'll do my work for me .
• Let me ask my manager- I was checking out the new girl in the fragrance department and forgot all the instructions given during orientation. 
• We don't have it in stock now- we never did and we never will but am obligated by my manager to keep you happy and smile at you so I have to let you think we're the storehouse of the world's cornucopia!
• What a sweet child you have- damn! get the monkey off my shelves! I'll have to go and organize it all again. You'd better buy enough to make me a damn good commission for all the stuff your kid's scattering about.
• It'll be done soon Ma'am- soon is a good word. Am not sure when these chaps will get around to fixing that. Let me keep her on hold and play muzak till she gets into a coma.
• We are here to serve you- till I get a job that pays me enough that I can call someone else up and yell at them instead!
• You want your points redeemed?- perfect! as if my day wasn't fascinating enough without having to hunt down your silly points so you can save 50 bucks on a 5000 ka purchase!
• Thank you calling, shopping with us yada yada and have a good day- now that you've ruined my day I hope you get a flat tire, your shopping bag splits and you lose your credit cards you horrible people!!!

Disclaimer- The views expressed are sincere and non-retractable till the day I come across a person who doesn't turn into a drooling, half-wit, with the attention span of a microbe and who can actually manage to not look relieved when you depart the shop (sound relieved while hanging up) after transacting your business.

Or maybe it's just me who attracts such Igors? Naah! Am too lovable by half!