Well, not us. But they abound! Have you noticed? Barring the touts who tout the oldest profession, pretty much anyone can pimp. There are booze pimps who trawl the streets after the mandatory curfews are in place. They know just how to find you. Even though you may not know if the chappy is just another guy taking an extra slow night stroll or not. But he knows you. He can spot you a mile away!
The latest kind of pimp I've run into are the gym pimps. They sidle up to you while you're gasping for breath on the treadmill. They creep up close while you're cycling away the cellulite and they also call you to tell you let's take it up close and personal via the personal trainer mode.
I can understand that people have a job to do but my recent run-ins with a few of the trainers at the gym left me a bit irritated. One thing I absolutely detest is being interrupted for faltoo stuff when I'm reading. I was in the middle of a legal thriller a few days back while on the cross step machine and this unctuous guy comes close and talks to me about how he hasn't seen me around for a while. Now I know that mine and his timings don't coincide so I tell him it's because I don't usually turn up at nights and come in the mornings instead.
Our conversation went something like this after that-
Me: why what?
Gym Pimp (GP): why don't you come in the evenings?
Me: not convenient
GP: why today?
Me: convenient
GP: when do you normally gym?
Me: mornings
GP: when?
Me: when it's convenient.
GP: where do you work?
Me: I'd like to get back to my reading please. Gasp. Huff. Puff.
GP: That's a book?!!!
Me: Kind of.
GP: Which tablet?
Me: Kindle.
GP: ???Kaun sa?
Me: Huffing. Boss, you can read books on it. Thanks. Got to get back to my cardio. And I walk over the treadmill. After 2 mins.
GP: What are you reading?
Me: Sonnets from the Portuguese by Elizabeth Barrett Browning.
GP: after a long pause...you want a personal trainer?
Me: No.
GP: Why? You don't have to come everyday. Only when you want and I'll also come that time and help you lose weight and do tone ups like I did for X,Y,Z...(gets cut off)
Me: Not possible.
GP: Let me know. I do good personal training. That CD that's playing now (Backstreet Boys Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely comes on) I chose it so people can get affected more during gymming.
Me: Yeah..am really affected by that song *roll eyes*
GP: You like it? Thanks! Bin Tere Sanam is next.
Me: Yeah ok. Hey I have to go. Bye.
GP: Ok, I'll be here. Call me. I'll can come in the mornings also. G'nite. Enjoy yourself.
Me: yeah,yeah whatever. *mumble* whack job kya bh****panti shuru kiya hai!
GP: Hi Madam. Wow! you did 20 minutes on the treadmill. I can help you...(to the hapless woman who took up my treadmill).
Showing posts with label gym. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gym. Show all posts
06 March, 2012
16 January, 2012
Sunday workouts...
I got major surprise yesterday the gym. To the extent that I almost stood still while I was on the treadmill and we all know that'd have been funny!
To suddenly stop while on a moving object means that the momentum will carry you back and make sure you land on your hieney!
Red had brought MLM out for a walk in the sun and they decided to trek up to the gym and say hello. Two of the trainers got MLM inside the exercise area and they crept up on me much to his delight. He kept giggling like a girl and covering his mouth with his hands and saying, "Mamma, hee hee hee". I guess seeing his mother all hot and bothered gave him his entertainment for the day.
But then I saw his eyes light up...all those equipments to climb up on...those cycles most of all! Thankfully I was feeling the sting of the cold still and wrapped up my exercise quickly else it'd have been tough taking him away from it all.
My kid loose inside a gym...ye gods! Memberships cancellation stories are made of this :)
To suddenly stop while on a moving object means that the momentum will carry you back and make sure you land on your hieney!
Red had brought MLM out for a walk in the sun and they decided to trek up to the gym and say hello. Two of the trainers got MLM inside the exercise area and they crept up on me much to his delight. He kept giggling like a girl and covering his mouth with his hands and saying, "Mamma, hee hee hee". I guess seeing his mother all hot and bothered gave him his entertainment for the day.
But then I saw his eyes light up...all those equipments to climb up on...those cycles most of all! Thankfully I was feeling the sting of the cold still and wrapped up my exercise quickly else it'd have been tough taking him away from it all.
My kid loose inside a gym...ye gods! Memberships cancellation stories are made of this :)
07 January, 2012
Determination...
is so *not* what it's cracked up to be!
After becoming like the Big Bad Wolf (only imitating the huffing and puffing part and not becoming hirsute and having my ears shoot up higher than my head!) and countless nags from Red (who undoubtedly doesn't like to be on the higher end of a see-saw mattress) I finally went and joined the new neighborhood gym.
They were nice as all new gym people are. I was greeted with surprise (not!) on supplying the information that I had a child and was 30+ yada yada yada. And then one of the trainers conducted a one-one to determine the areas I needed help with aka where all my body needed to be broken before I could be put back together as a new person. Noo surprises when it was discovered that everything was covered with fat as snow and ice covers a tundra. An odd contraption that I had to hold at chin level apparently scanned my body and threw up a whole array of numbers that I was hoping wouldn't add up to bad news but they did.
In my defense- short people can come across as being far more chunkier than others simply because there's less area for the fat to settle on. And gravity acts quicker and in a far more menacing fashion on us as well.
But staying at home also led to raiding the fridge, eating (well eating should cover it all), getting exercise when my kid was being a typhoon and at all other times just collapsing with something to read or watch and my elixir aka coffee.
But let me actually start on the pain that awaited (and still does) me there. I might actually consider a move into the realm of BDSM after all this. Seriously.
I started with the cardio exercises and initially found that walking to gym from my house loosened up the calf muscles a bit and got the sweat glands activated some. I was hopeful. And then they put my cardiovascular system through the kind of damnation that left quite a bit of awareness of muscles and their tensing in areas I hadn't thought could hurt.
Yesterday I did weights for the first time. And although they started me with just 5 kgs (I thought..I lift a 13 kg kid everyday, so how hard can this be) I was gasping and doing the Lamaze-y breathing I did during my labor and was cursing (inside my head) because everything was on FIRRRREEE!
My upper body strength is pathetic, my knees feel like they should be glued down because they'll fall off after another stint of walk-run-pump puff puff! And somehow the trainers always know you're about to drink water like you spotted an oasis in the desert...SIPS only Madam. Sirf SIPS lena.
But my kid's been the biggest beneficiary of my initial days at the gym. After he comes home from school I'm so pooped I let him watch one or two extra episodes of Chhota Bheem since I can't chase him around the house if I switch the tv off. Also when he runs off he has to double back to find me because I'm still hobbling on after him whereas he's halfway to China.
But there are some interesting moments also. The cross training machine is by the side of the big glass wall.
And we're on the 3rd or 4th floor I guess. I get a good view of what's going on all around by the time I get to the cardio sections. Which is good because I get distracted enough to not keep obsessing about when the 15 minute set will be finally over and when I'll be able to sit somewhere and manage my knees and calf muscles like an old grandmother with rheumatism.
I noticed these things- there are very little trees in my area especially on the main road. There are some funny (if you let your mind run along those lines) businesses next to each other viz the infertility clinic is next to a macho man gym, the wholesale grain store is next to a medical shop.
More people in the area use Tatasky than other DTH services. The autowalas are lower life forms no matter what height you look at them. The buswalas are more suited for driving monster trucks, 2 wheeler drivers want to defy the laws of physics and be at multiple locations at the same time.
The guys in the gym across from us do a few curls and weight lifting and keep looking askance at our gym since it's newer and it's bigger. They do a lot of macho posturing and slap palms after every few sets aka locker room behavior mixed with bro-ness.
I get so caught up in watching them all that when the trainer comes and asks me to move to another machine I usually ask..shall I go on for another few minutes? I can feel my endurance building up. When they ask me to move to another machine irrespective I face the sight that scares....me- sweaty, bedraggled, lardy and RED! Yup..the cycling machine in bang in front of a mirror.
After becoming like the Big Bad Wolf (only imitating the huffing and puffing part and not becoming hirsute and having my ears shoot up higher than my head!) and countless nags from Red (who undoubtedly doesn't like to be on the higher end of a see-saw mattress) I finally went and joined the new neighborhood gym.
They were nice as all new gym people are. I was greeted with surprise (not!) on supplying the information that I had a child and was 30+ yada yada yada. And then one of the trainers conducted a one-one to determine the areas I needed help with aka where all my body needed to be broken before I could be put back together as a new person. Noo surprises when it was discovered that everything was covered with fat as snow and ice covers a tundra. An odd contraption that I had to hold at chin level apparently scanned my body and threw up a whole array of numbers that I was hoping wouldn't add up to bad news but they did.
In my defense- short people can come across as being far more chunkier than others simply because there's less area for the fat to settle on. And gravity acts quicker and in a far more menacing fashion on us as well.
But staying at home also led to raiding the fridge, eating (well eating should cover it all), getting exercise when my kid was being a typhoon and at all other times just collapsing with something to read or watch and my elixir aka coffee.
But let me actually start on the pain that awaited (and still does) me there. I might actually consider a move into the realm of BDSM after all this. Seriously.
I started with the cardio exercises and initially found that walking to gym from my house loosened up the calf muscles a bit and got the sweat glands activated some. I was hopeful. And then they put my cardiovascular system through the kind of damnation that left quite a bit of awareness of muscles and their tensing in areas I hadn't thought could hurt.
Yesterday I did weights for the first time. And although they started me with just 5 kgs (I thought..I lift a 13 kg kid everyday, so how hard can this be) I was gasping and doing the Lamaze-y breathing I did during my labor and was cursing (inside my head) because everything was on FIRRRREEE!
My upper body strength is pathetic, my knees feel like they should be glued down because they'll fall off after another stint of walk-run-pump puff puff! And somehow the trainers always know you're about to drink water like you spotted an oasis in the desert...SIPS only Madam. Sirf SIPS lena.
But my kid's been the biggest beneficiary of my initial days at the gym. After he comes home from school I'm so pooped I let him watch one or two extra episodes of Chhota Bheem since I can't chase him around the house if I switch the tv off. Also when he runs off he has to double back to find me because I'm still hobbling on after him whereas he's halfway to China.
But there are some interesting moments also. The cross training machine is by the side of the big glass wall.
And we're on the 3rd or 4th floor I guess. I get a good view of what's going on all around by the time I get to the cardio sections. Which is good because I get distracted enough to not keep obsessing about when the 15 minute set will be finally over and when I'll be able to sit somewhere and manage my knees and calf muscles like an old grandmother with rheumatism.I noticed these things- there are very little trees in my area especially on the main road. There are some funny (if you let your mind run along those lines) businesses next to each other viz the infertility clinic is next to a macho man gym, the wholesale grain store is next to a medical shop.
More people in the area use Tatasky than other DTH services. The autowalas are lower life forms no matter what height you look at them. The buswalas are more suited for driving monster trucks, 2 wheeler drivers want to defy the laws of physics and be at multiple locations at the same time.
The guys in the gym across from us do a few curls and weight lifting and keep looking askance at our gym since it's newer and it's bigger. They do a lot of macho posturing and slap palms after every few sets aka locker room behavior mixed with bro-ness.
I get so caught up in watching them all that when the trainer comes and asks me to move to another machine I usually ask..shall I go on for another few minutes? I can feel my endurance building up. When they ask me to move to another machine irrespective I face the sight that scares....me- sweaty, bedraggled, lardy and RED! Yup..the cycling machine in bang in front of a mirror.
So after thinking that I don't have any further stamina to pedal...seeing myself in the mirror is incentive enough to keep pedaling away and get off the machine. Those fifteen minutes can't come soon enough!
Here are some of the other instruments of torture-
This one made me feel like my arms were going to come off. They haven't yet but that doesn't mean it won't ever.
No comment.
Strangely enough, the one machine was totally comfortable with.
Another contraption that made me feel like the biceps muscles would snap and fall to the floor like confetti.
This one was hard to get on and off...but once I got on I just wanted to sleep it off...clearly the trainers won't let me do this one too often.
And that, in a big fat nutshell is my how my exercise regime's been going. I'm going to post more blogs here as soon as more feeling comes back into my fingers and arm muscles.
Watch this space for the series titles: Blood, Sweat and Copious Tears aka how I lost 100 gms.
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