06 March, 2012

Pimps 'R' Us

Well, not us. But they abound! Have you noticed? Barring the touts who tout the oldest profession, pretty much anyone can pimp. There are booze pimps who trawl the streets after the mandatory curfews are in place. They know just how to find you. Even though you may not know if the chappy is just another guy taking an extra slow night stroll or not. But he knows you. He can spot you a mile away!

The latest kind of pimp I've run into are the gym pimps. They sidle up to you while you're gasping for breath on the treadmill. They creep up close while you're cycling away the cellulite and they also call you to tell you let's take it up close and personal via the personal trainer mode.

I can understand that people have a job to do but my recent run-ins with a few of the trainers at the gym left me a bit irritated. One thing I absolutely detest is being interrupted for faltoo stuff when I'm reading. I was in the middle of a legal thriller a few days back while on the cross step machine and this unctuous guy comes close and talks to me about how he hasn't seen me around for a while. Now I know that mine and his timings don't coincide so I tell him it's because I don't usually turn up at nights and come in the mornings instead.
Our conversation went something like this after that-
 Me: why what?
Gym Pimp (GP): why don't you come in the evenings?
Me: not convenient
GP: why today?
Me: convenient
GP: when do you normally gym?
Me: mornings
GP: when?
Me: when it's convenient.
GP: where do you work?
Me: I'd like to get back to my reading please. Gasp. Huff. Puff.
GP: That's a book?!!!
Me: Kind of.
GP: Which tablet?
Me: Kindle.
GP: ???Kaun sa?
Me: Huffing. Boss, you can read books on it. Thanks. Got to get back to my cardio. And I walk over the treadmill. After 2 mins.
GP: What are you reading?
Me: Sonnets from the Portuguese by Elizabeth Barrett Browning.
GP: after a long pause...you want a personal trainer?
Me: No.
GP: Why? You don't have to come everyday. Only when you want and I'll also come that time and help you lose weight and do tone ups like I did for X,Y,Z...(gets cut off)
Me: Not possible.
GP: Let me know. I do good personal training. That CD that's playing now (Backstreet Boys Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely comes on) I chose it so people can get affected more during gymming.
Me: Yeah..am really affected by that song *roll eyes*
GP: You like it? Thanks! Bin Tere Sanam is next.
Me: Yeah ok. Hey I have to go. Bye.
GP: Ok, I'll be here. Call me. I'll can come in the mornings also. G'nite. Enjoy yourself.
Me: yeah,yeah whatever. *mumble* whack job kya bh****panti shuru kiya hai!

GP: Hi Madam. Wow! you did 20 minutes on the treadmill. I can help you...(to the hapless woman who took up my treadmill).

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