13 July, 2012

Sufferin' Succotash!!

Sylvester the Cat has it down pat! Although I'd take any other kind of grub too. 
My head feels like it's full of Fruit Loops ever since the offspring commenced his second year and Toucan Sam's pecking at my skull trying to get at them. Over and over and over again.

Of all the things to have a no-return policy on, I think life's dealt parents a very rough hand by letting them get stuck with their kids for life.

Of course if we have to return the little imps, the question arises, where on earth would we send them to. If we can't /don't (want) to handle them any further...where else would they go?

After having given the notion a lot of thought, and I mean a LOT; I've come to realise that it's a hypothetical situation at best and an out and out fantasy at worst, I have no other option but to invoke the Pied Piper and hope that he leads the little munchkins away to a Land That Leads To R&R For The Parents ergo college! Kidding.

But I honestly have to say that nothing really prepares you for having a child and you're in even hotter water when that child starts exercising his or her opinions, invokes their Right to Freedom of Speech, Expression and their most favorite one- the Right to Gather wherever the hell they feel like for a demonstration aka tantrums!!

Grandparents (especially grandmothers) are zero help since they gleefully remind you of how you did things along the same lines, or you painted on the walls of their rented homes, spilled and splayed paint on the mucho important office files that your father used to get back home and all-embarrassing tobacco gulping incident that you indulged in as a toddler and then barfed all over a letter your mother was writing to her mother.


It's best to just hand over the iPad that YOU got for Mother's Day and let them sit in one place and punch through the screens while you look askance at your co-passengers shaking their heads at you and your darling offspring and silently muttering, "just wait till your turn comes, you putz! we'll see about head-shaking then!!"

Over and OUT!

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